February 2009: I'm 23 and about to embark on the most incredible journey of my life. I have been diagnosed with metastatic breast kancer, which means that not only did cancer claim my boob, it also found a home on my spine. If you and I believe the statistics, it ain't looking good for me. So, it's a good job I'm not going to be another stat. I'm turning to the world of blogging to share this bad ass adventure with everyone who wants to join me. I will update this as much as possible; rant, bitch and educate the world about what it's like to be  me right now. With your love, support, positive vibes, tea, hugs and my fighting spirit to survive and kick kancer in the nuggets, I'll show it who's boss and along the way raise awareness to all you young ladies out there. COP A FEEL - around 8000 women under 50 are diagnosed a year yet it's not taken seriously by our doctors - why? I was misdiagnosed twice. Get feeling and get DEMANDING.

December 2010: I'm 25 and still embarking on the most incredible journey of my life. The stats are still against me, but I'm still determined to beat them. I am now the CEO and founder of CoppaFeel! which is saving lives by telling the young people of Britain to start checking their boobs from a young age. One day we WILL live in a world where no one dies of breast cancer due to late detection. Join me in making it happen! Because then I can rest and have a long holiday, and sip mojitos, and do nothing, and stare at pretty clouds...

Boob Love, peas and carrots

~ Kris                               


                           

Friday
May112012

Out of action

I am still here! 

I said I'd get better at writing my blog, but in all honesty, I just don't have time. I don't even have the time to make time to have the time. I started this blog as a refuge for my thoughts to get me through cancer. Now, well, I write it whenever I feel, well, a bit poo. 

So today I am unwell. But I have no idea why. Except that perhaps I have slightly over done it. (although it hurts to admit it). I took part in our annual Bikin for Boobies event last weekend along with 46 other cyclists. I wasn't stupid enough to do all 3 days, but I wasn't wise enough to not do any either. Instead I thought I'd wrestle the worst hills of Cornwall on Day 3, on the back of a tandem with one of the toughest blokes (with biggest calf muscles you'll ever see) in the world. But god damn it, it hurt. And I hate that it hurt. But there's no point in being the Mrs Tough Lady all the time, IT HURT. And I was barely doing anything! So now, I guess maybe, I'm suffering the consequences of my silly stubborn self.

BUT I'LL BE OK. I just need to stop thinking I can go from zero to hero when it comes to being active. I spend most of my time in front of a laptop or running between meetings. I recently joined the gym and I've only managed to make it there once - to pilates, not the actual gym because that would be madness.

So anyway, I'm having a moan but still eternally grateful to my body for putting up with me. 

And whilst I'm here, tapping away from my sick bed, you should know what I've been doing. Amongst many things, I've been organinisng our next Festifeel music extravaganza and I reckon you should come:

 

See you on the dancefloor yeah?

x

Monday
Mar122012

#HundredHooters SMASH a Half!

Wow to the Wee, I was one proud charity Mama yesterday. For so many reasons - some of which I can not even begin to explain - I was brimming with pride and an overwhelming urge to high five everyone and everything in sight. It was BRILLIANT. I guess, because I had been having a particularly difficult week, it was just what I needed to re-focus and smile again.

So anyway, yesterday 120 runners and 1 Dermot O’Leary took on the beautiful streets of Bath in aid of CoppaFeel! at the Bath Half Marathon. As my friend Simon announced mine, Dermot’s and Maren’s names to step out for the photocall in front of our hundred hooters, to an audience of a million paps, I almost cried at how many people were there, and who those people were. I looked around us to see faces and their stories of how I met them. And I wanted to share a couple of them with you - if you’re not mentioned here, please believe me that you are all equally special and equally awesome!

Almost three year ago, just after CoppaFeel! had first popped into the World, I found myself face painting a lady at Farm Festival in Somerset and telling her every little colourful detail of my story and why I was there. Without stopping for air but eventually finishing my masterpiece, she looked at me and said “I’m a GP”. 

Oops. 

I had seriously let rip on the tale of my GP and there was one, in the flesh, sitting right in front of me. I hadn’t met another GP since the day I was misdiagnosed so i hadn’t quite figured out how I felt about “them” anymore. Which might seem odd, as I was terribly unlucky with mine, but trusting them was far from my agenda. 

“If there is anything you want me to take away from this little chat today, what would it be?” she asked.

I pondered for a while. 

“Always LISTEN to your younger patients. If in doubt, refer them”.

And she did. Because a year or so later we heard from said GP who had just referred a young chap named Wesley, that had come to her with a persistent cough. Apparently I was perched on her shoulder the moment she decided it was best to refer him to a specialist. And unfortunately Wesley was later diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. This was not the news I wanted at all, but I was proud that the GP had remembered my story when she made her decisions. And she is now a huge advocate for what we do! So much so, she volunteered herself a hooter in this years run. I was blown away when she told us. Wesley, unfortunately, was diagnosed with secondaries recently so she was running in his name. A pretty heart warming story and bloody proud moment for us. GP friend, you know who you are and you have my biggest respect!

The next story is equally cool!

Last August, just before I was re-diagnosed, I was very embarrassingly whisked out of Boob HQ on a special wheelchair, pumping in as much gas and air as possible. I was busy having a lunch meeting with Maren and our volunteer consultant fundraiser lady Beth when, all of the sudden, something tweaked in my back and I could no longer move without wanting to A. pass out and B. vomit everywhere. Scared to bejesus, Maren called an ambulance and luckily, by the time it arrived, the lunch rush was over, leaving only the catering staff wondering what the heck was up with me. Two paramedics, one named Helen, had to maneuver me into the ambulance without making me scream the place down. Tricky that, when it was later revealed I had another tumour doing it’s think higher up on my spine, causing all the pain in the world. 

As we sat in the ambulance, Mar quivering with the shock of it all, I chatted with Helen, at a gazillion miles an hour, about all things boobs and my whole life story. Gas and air works a treat in moments like that. Add that to a shot of morphine and you have yourself a very jolly Kris. Bewildered by it all, Helen did her best to keep both of us as calm as possible, but not just that, she ensured my make up smearage was gone before we got to the hospital. That’s what I call service.

Once Helen and her co-pilot got us settled in at Royal London, we waved goodbye but I had a sneaky feeling it wouldn’t be the last time I saw Helen either. Later that day we received a lovely email from her, telling us she had just signed herself up for Bath Half Marathon! 

Helen and our GP friend joined two of our Boobettes, a pair of identical twins we met at a festival three years ago, Paul Devin - MD of Wonderbra, a team of people from our creative agency, my nearest and dearest friends plus lots and lots of other very cool people at yesterdays little running session and I’m happy to say everyone survived! Money is yet to be totallised but we’ve raised in excess of £20,000.

And why do they run as giant hooters for us? Well, I guess you’d need to ask them, but I’d like to think it’s because they too believe that young people need to start thinking about their boobs NOW. That they too believe we can make a difference through all the programs and campaigns that we run, that they think it’s a fun and dynamic charity to support and most of all, because they are good people. 

I am so proud and SO honoured to have met so many truly amazing people over the past three years. It gives me immeasurable inner power to continue what I’m doing and ensuring no one else goes through this, if it could, at all, be prevented. 

Ps. You can still donate, ya know.

 

 


Sunday
Mar042012

Please help with a little bit of research...

Hey lovely reader!

I wondered if you could help me with something? Actually, when I say me, I actually mean my friend Emy, who is doing a research study on bloggers who are, *cough cough*, sick. Like me. And we'd really appreciate it if you would take a few minutes out of your precious day to answer a few questions? Yes? OH GOOD! Then clickedy click click HERE...

How do I know Emy? Well, she's a friend of a friend and since finding out about her intended study, I have become pretty engrossed and thoughtful about the idea of us bloggers..and why we do it. I mean, it's not really something I had really thought about before I met Emy, but I now think there is a wealth of knowledge that could be gleaned from this area, particularly because it's a new field of interest, sick-person-blogging is a new phenomenon. And I seriously wonder what my Nanna did when she was told she had breast cancer, she didn't turn to her laptop and say to herself "I know, I am going to bitch, rant and rave about everything that happens to me from now on and make sure the world can read it!". Nope. But I did, and when I rack my brain back to the day I made the decision to, I have tried to remember what my motivation was. And I guess it was simply, what else can I do? And I needed to get it all down. I had written a personal (cringe) diary since the year 2000, but this was different. I wasn’t necessarily angry or frustrated, in fact, I wasn’t really anything, and I felt I needed to write it down, but not just privately, but for others to read about it, if they wanted to. And I didn’t really think people would read it either, but not knowing if people would, was quite thrilling. And at least then, when my friends didn’t want to keep asking me how I was (and to be honest, I didn’t really want them to anyway) they could check my blog, get the lowdown, and then we could chat about anything BUT the oh so boring kancer.

So that was that.

And when I think about other women in similar situations who might stumble across my blog and find comfort in any of my little musings, well, then I am as happy as Larry because that’s a total bonus. I mean, I do it too! I have three wonderful girls whose blogs I follow avidly - despite knowing them all personally and have their numbers stored in my phone. Fran, Ellie and Lisa. Three absolute kick-ass, wonder women who rock the cancer shizzle to the core. They blog till their hearts content, and I’m not sure why, but I’m certainly glad they do. We know how it feels to feel helpless, we all know how it feels to worry so much that the only thing to do is to turn to your blog and write about it! But I don’t really know what motivated them to one day write down what was happening to them, what scares them, write down their true, deep and heartfelt emotions - things they might not even tell their loved ones face to face, but things that just need to be said. Things that could help YOU learn and things that could help them heal. And I have bucket loads of respect for them all. Although we’ve all been branded with the same kancer label, we all write about our accounts very differently. Maybe because cancer tries, with all its might, to destroy who we are, it’s our way, or my way, to recoup a little bit of ‘me’. Or maybe not. I don’t know the answer. But I’d like YOU to consider why it is you’re here, reading this, right now.

Thank you from me and Emy.


 

Monday
Feb132012

It's all in the timing.

It's been a while, dear blog. But I didn't forget about you, I just, well, didn't really need you for a little while. And since I started you 3 years ago to deal with my somewhat shitty situation, I've wanted you to always have a purpose; not write for the sheer hell of it. And since today I have a genuine thought to share, I'm using you to do it, cool? YAR.

That was necessary, honest.

So a thought. I've been editing a little film this weekend. No, it wasn't "work" so you can all pipe down, it was a little film about the weekend my friends and I all went to a manor house for twinny and my birthday last year. I had to dedicate the whole weekend to it as I just wanted to get it done. So I did. And I'm proud of myself for that because I love being a bit creative whilst taking a little step away from my cancer and boob world. 

Editing a short film is all about timings. I discovered how easy it is to skew the viewers reaction and emotions just by snipping a few clips together and timing the gags just right. I realised that controlling timings can be seriously fun. You can make the outcome go your way. Wouldn't it be great if we could control timings all your life? Fate and Destiny, step aside please? 

So why, I ask myself, did I decide to book a smear test at 8.45am on a MONDAY MORNING? Of all the days I could have chosen, I choose the one that the world groans at. I guess, for me, Monday is actually no different to Friday as I love my job, but what I love about weekends is knowing that no one is expecting an email reply from me. So it didn't really dawn on me until I woke up this morning thinking 'WHY would I do that to myself?'. Given I have scan results looming, a million CoppaFeel! flavoured things on my plate and a flat hunt approaching, you'd thnk I'd time it better to lighten the load on my sanity. Look, I'm not bagging smear tests - you'd be an utter FOOL not to go to yours - but when you already have cancer that is showing no signs of buggering off, is it necessary to have to go though that too? And not only once, but every 6 months for past 1.5 years, and my second one in 3 months? I don't really ever moan about the whole cancer thing, but sometimes I wonder why I can't have a little break, for the test results to come back "negative" again and for the nurse to not feel sorry for me whenever I walk in the room. 

WHY?

Well, I guess since my week has started so horrific, it can only get better, right?

And by the end of this week I'll have hit the big 3 YEAR KANCERVERSARY MARK! This can only mean one thing...........................

CAKE!

 

 

Sunday
Dec252011

Bon voyage.

Wow. It’s been one of those ridiculous years again hasn’t it. A whole load of awesomeness with a side order of bollocks. So, as I type away on the morning of my flight to Australia, you could say I am pretty bloody excited. Don’t gawp, it is possible to go to Australia when one is housing kancer cell tag-alongs. In fact, this trip has been booked some time ago but I have been too scared, no petrified, to mention it for fear of kancer listening. Because clearly it has ears. And it if got wind of me spending big bucks on flights to go to my friends wedding on the other side of the world surely it’d find a way to scupper it all. Because, that’s what it does you see. Just when you dare to think that you’re doing quite well and cancer wasn’t wrecking your party quite so much - more the drunken friend slumped in the corner than the guy who is setting his farts on fire and vomming everywhere, if you get me. But then BAM, you get that smackdown. And that has certainly happened this year. But I’m pleased to say I am getting on that flight and I am going to spend 3 blissful weeks NOT thinking about cancer or in fact anything boob related (she types with crossed fingers).

So I leave you then with a round up of some of my highlights this year. Yes, I know some stuff is missing but these events truly shaped my 2011. It really has been a turbulent and challenging one. I have had to make some big grown up decisions, dealt with some, hmm let’s say “challenging” individuals, gritted my teeth through a couple of rediagnoses, experienced pain like no other, and been that kancer kid for another 365 days. But to polish the pooness we also have the fact that we’ve done wonderful things with CoppaFeel! - a flavoursome tonic. What I’ve learned most of all is that CoppaFeel! was never set up to help me “deal” with kancer. It was born out of a need to right wrongs. And I want the world to know this. Quite truthfully, if I was doing this for me I’d find something that doesn’t involve me spending Christmas Day finishing off emails. Of course it licks a few wounds, but this is all for YOU, not me. Just a lil FYI.

So, here goes:

1. The year started with a melt down. I didn't realise how little I'd considered my psychological state until I couldn't stop crying for 3 days. Thankfully, the Breast Cancer Haven came to the rescue. I am all good in the kancer hood now kids.

2. Thailand with the boy. I rediscovered my inner travel bug but realised that I have the power to control said bug because for the first time EVER I was excited to come home because I had an awesome charity to run.

3. Talks for the Inner Flame gang. Inspiring young people is awesome.

4. Meeting Patrick the Optimist and spending time with Sarah Outen.

5. Hundred Hooters do a half.

6. Mo March in Verbier 

7. The very first human boob tube.

 8. Shiny new lovely patrons.

9. Friends, old and new.

10. New WEBSITE - bloody hard work.

11. Meeting Lisa Lynch

12. Discovering a few truths behind breast cancer and young people - our very own Research study.

13. FestFeel!

14. You lot! actually checking yourselves (best bit of my job).

15. Bikin' for Boobies.

16. Veritable hell.

17. FESTIVALS.

18. Kitty de la Beche.

19. Hello Boobs.

20. The CoppaFeel! Garden.

21. PR.

22. A new yet temporary home.

23. Uni Boob Teams - CARDIFF

24. Meeting the best people in the world!!

25. Amazing Women campaign with AOL/ MyDaily.

26. Perks of the job.....(David Gandy)

27. Winning Cosmo's Ultimate Campaigner Award.

28. Another trip to No. 10.

29. Winning Best Mag's Bravest Women Award - not for the award but for meeting absolutely jaw dropping incredible women.

30. Hello Boobs Mark 2.

31. Turning 26 with some of my favourite people.

32. Talking. About boobs.

33. The Boobettes! :D :D

34. Family.

35. Drugs. 

36. Food

37. Rock n' Roll. xxx

Well, don't know about you but I'm knackered. So I bid you a swift 'See ya later'. Thank you for continuing to read my ramblings ons xx

Sunday
Dec182011

My favourite sign at hospital:

You might be wondering why they need such a big sign for two small words...

 

(Thanks Rob the Cow)

Monday
Dec122011

Medical "History"...

I don’t like, no in fact I loathe, to be all Debbie Downer one of my last blog posts of this year, but I need to share a little story/feelings with you all. This isn’t because I need to air my frustration; I have regained composure and clarity since said event (and punched a wall. And breathed deeply) But more to let it be known that people with cancer DO have a voice. And to use this voice in a blog/column (Daily Mirror 19th Dec). So there.

So, to set the scene, I am really enjoying the wintery days at the moment, especially the sunny ones. Which is why Rich and I decided to spend our last free weekend in Cornwall with Maren. The last few weeks have been pretty stressful so my sister and I booked ourselves in for a lovely massage while the boyfriends take the new puppy to the beach for a walk. Gosh, sounds idyllic doesn’t it? Well, it was, until I met the woman who apparently invented massage therapy and clearly knew more about my cancer than I do - You can probably at this point tell where this story is headed, but stick with it - As per usual, we had to fill out a medical history form which, not surprisingly, took me a bit longer than it took Maren. We had had massages there before so I wasn’t concerned about them being at all reluctant to do the deed. And I was right, reluctancy wasn’t on the menu that day. Complete refusal was instead. Still, I handed back the form. 5 minutes later the seemingly nice lady crouched down beside me. “You’ve ticked the cancer box, can you explain?”. A baffled faced me tilted my head to try and understand what she meant by “explain” or whether this was suddenly an interview. “Yes, I have breast cancer” pointing to the bit where I had written, hastily, ‘breast cancer and secondaries on spine’. “Yes, so you still have cancer now?” She says which I followed with a “yup, lucky me”. “In that case your massage will not go ahead today” she announced. She should have just been sitting on a very high horse to give it even more impact. Wow. I shuddered.

I will spare you all the details. But what followed wasn’t pretty and involved this lovely lady explaining to me that massage therapy can increase the risk of the fatal cancer cells stealthily multiplying and spreading AND that it is really only used for people who’ve got a terminal illness and are basically screwed. Firstly, if she’d even considered to READ the piece of paper she would have noticed the cancer has already spread and therefore I am said poor sod who would actually appreciate treatments like massages to improve, dare I say it, my “quality of life”. And secondly, No research has proved this to be true. Anyway, I understand why cancer patients and therapist are prudent towards this matter, but her attitude was outrageous. Nobody has the right to tell me what I can and can not do, with or without some stupid policy.

I have worked so hard to convince the world it is possible to have cancer and still be “normal” but somehow she unstitched all my hard work with one fail swoop. Which might sound dramatic, but quite frankly, I’m allowed to be upset and annoyed at this person. She probably didn’t intentionally make me feel like I am different from the rest of the world. But thinking about it, if someone asked me if I was “disabled”, she wouldn’t be so quick to deny my treatment; she’d have to find a much nicer way of putting it. It’s not ok to oust people. It’s not ok to decide whether or not someone can have a massage and its not ok to patronise a 26 year old highly hormonal cancer veteran. Medical history my eye! I wish it was my history, but it’s not. Which is why it should be respected all the more. Ok rant over.